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Tried by the Centre Court
At the Drop of a Hat
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Bed
Our next is a subject very dear to out hearts, particularly Donald's, I think.
Bed.
The subject ..... (yawns)
The subject ..... (yawns)
The subject I wish to consider tonight
Comes under the general head –
Without an iota of “double entendre”
So no dirty sniggers – of Bed
Though everything else has been treated at length
In the various books I have read,
Spinoza, La Rochefoucauld, Schiller and Kant
Say – practically nothing on Bed.
So I’ve founded a new philosophical school
Of which you have probably heard
Propounding this thesis: “The too early worm
Is the one that gets caught by the bird.”
Delightful, delectable pillow and sheet,
Luxurious eiderdown spread,
Red hot water-bottle bowed down at my feet,
Oh bountiful blessing of bed!
To hell with ambition, it drives a man mad!
I can scarcely wake up to be fed,
Those people who keep making plans for the lad
Will find him, if wanted, in bed.
You Risers and Shiners whose insults are hurled
At my almost invisible head
Consider the mess you have made of the world
And stay out of mischief – in bed!
Six monasteries hourly are saying a mass
For a blessed relation, now dead,
Who left me a blanket – electric no less!
Now an integral part of my bed
Oh weep not maidens at solitary me
Now left on the highest of shelves,
Oh seek not ye matrons my solace to be
But keep your cold feet to yourselves.
Oh purest of pleasures, voluptuous sleep,
My eyelids are heavy as lead,
Oh soft, oh delicious, oh long, wide, deep,
Oh warm -------- Oooooh (yawns), excuse me .....oah..bed.
Originally from the album 'Tried by the Centre Court'.
This song was in At the Drop of a Hat for a while, but was so relaxing that the audience often fell asleep, so the song was removed from the show.
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