The Bestiary of Flanders and Swann
At the Drop of a Hat
At the Drop of Another Hat
Tried by the Centre Court
And Then We Wrote...
The Wild Boar
If you hear a loud 'whoosh'
In the African bush
And an animal comes to the fore,
Who is basically pig
But more hairy and big
You will know you have met with a Boar.
You are glued to the spot;
Will he kill you or not?
No need to have fears about that.
Now he's made you stand fast,
And you're cornered at last,
All he wants is a nice little chat.
But don't be misled;
Soon you'll wish you were dead,
That instead he was after your gore,
For Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping bore!
In monotonous grunts he will tell you of hunts
Where for days he'd eluded the field,
He will tell you his sow should be farrowing now
And enlarge on her annual yield.
He will say with an air, that for brushing the hair
His bristle's the elegant thing,
And proudly confide they are after his hide
For no less a man than a King.
Then a joke he will try as you stifle a sigh
And deny that you've heard it before,
Thinking Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping bore!
As you laugh at his jokes (Ha ha ha ha ha ha)
'I'm a popular bloke', he will think.
When you're ready to burst,
Then 'Hello there!' he'll cry
To each poor passer-by
The ones that have not seen him first.
For on sight of the beast they will run to the east,
And the north and the west and the south,
And long for the day when his head's on a tray,
With an lemon to stop up his mouth.
They south as they run;
'He's an excellent son,
An a wonderful fellow, We're sure!'
But Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping,
(Grunt grunt grunt grunt)
Originally from the album 'The Bestiary of Flanders and Swann'.