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At the Drop of Another Hat
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Sounding Brass
We now turn to number two on your song sheets. Don't strain your eyes trying to read them, though, because I shall be telling you exactly what comes next; in any case, these rather fanciful titles that we print on the programmes bear no relation to what we're going to sing. It's a dead waste of a shilling, is what I say. You don't even get green stamps. Well worth collecting, those stamps, my goodness. You know, that really is a very nice suit. [indignant noises by DS]
What you wear and where you live, the right label and the right address, is really only part of this desperate chasing after social status, which is driving so many of us to the very brink of neurosis.
It has in fact been calculated that in this country alone, over 30% are sub-clinically neurotic. Or as a psychiatrist would say, stark staring bonkers. Over 30%, just think - that's every third person. Happily, there are only two of us. This song is about status symbols, it's called Sounding Brass.
Society frowns at blowing one's own trumpet
But we've a game that merits no rebuke
If someone's got a tub, we're going to thump it.
It's more fun than playing polo with the Duke.
The object is to Gunga-din your neighbour
"I'm a better man than you"'s the acid test
So man the good ship one-up
Let's do a social ton-up
And bang our status symbols with the best
Playing on the status symbols
Laying out the ready cash
Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter
Hear the status symbols clash
My phone number's ex-directory
Should you wish to make a call
Mine's even more exclusive
(More exclusive?)
I won't have a phone at all
You could always try cabling me, Mick Flan, England
I have colour television
Though it can't receive a thing
I've a midget tape recorder
Hidden in my cygnet ring
(Hidden in my cygnet ring)
I've laundress comes in daily
To my flat in Marble Arch
All my laundry's flown to Cairo
(Flown to where?)
Where they don't use so much starch.
I believe my butler's butler
Has appeared on Face to Face
I lost both my Botticellis
When they robbed my country place
I've been asked to sing at Salzburg
In next year's Fidelio
I've been asked to screen Lord Denning:
For security, you know.
My car registration number's
'1111 V I P'
All my garage doors fly open
When I murmur 'Sesame'
My car horn goes Ah-E Ah-E
Your car horn goes Ah-Ah-Ah
I've just bought a Mini super
(Bought a what?)
A Mini Super
Oh yes, I've got one in my boot.
Playing on the status symbols
Laying out the ready cash
Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter
Hear the status symbols clash
Hell has just been taken over
By a friend of Charlie Clore's *
We've acquired a private furnace
Bigger, Hotter, Far than yours.
Originally from the album 'At The Drop of Another Hat'.
Note: Footnote: Sir Charles Clore owned Selfridges's department store in London.
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